Mmm

I don't know. I really didn't have the greatest of days today.
I think I'm going to drop out of homecoming. I mean, I really love it and it's a lot of fun and all but I don't know. There are certain people whom I can't deal with. Like I try my best to stay quiet and I don't like to attract attention to myself with them around, but something always happens and I get singled out. I honestly don't take criticism very well, like I appreciate constructive critique, but like, I take everything to heart, so if someone tells me that what I've come up with is bad, it really hurts. And it's like I don't know. I'm not so sure if being hurt like that is worth all that fun. I'll just send the music and notes over to someone else probably. *Sigh* I might not even go to the practice tomorrow, I mean, I've already taught them everything in the first half and so they can make up their own stuff in the second half, right?
And then I want to join four community service clubs and like two of them hate each other and I just don't know about this either. I mean, I think that they're all great clubs and I want to do them all but like, is it worth getting bitched out for? And I really think that their feud is stupid. *Sigh* Life hates me right now.
And then like with my family, I mean, my mom finds every little thing I do wrong just so she can yell at me. I really mean it. Like, she's always telling me how she hates it when Martin calls so she can pick us up and he's always telling her to hurry up and get us so I almost never call her. I either get a ride home from someone or I walk, in like fricken 90 Degrees weather sometimes! I love my mom, a lot, but I just can't stand her as well. I don't think I can take much more of this. She's always telling me that she's going to say something to only me because I'm older and mature now and then like the next minute she's like OMG YOU'RE ONLY 15!!! What? 5 years from now I'll be only 20? Is she serious? I've gotten so tired of hearing that but I can't talk back to her. And then Martin, I hear him out all the time, but whenever I want to show him something or like tell him something, he doesn't care. And like Sam, who is like his friend on and off, told me that Martin was like, "Oh I think I have a better chance of making capella than Tiffany." And I'm just like wow Martin...thanks for the support. And like when I confronted him, he was like no why would you trust Sam over me? And I was like well you wouldn't tell a person that you shit talked about them to their face why shouldn't I trust him? And he was like yeah I would. BS. That's all I have to say. I'm getting sick of being the older sister as well. And I really have no older brother I can confide in. No one I can really trust. Like Joseph is really amazing, but he's too far away to give me that hug I sometimes need and he's too far away to hold me when I'm crying in a corner. And he's also got issues of his own right now, I hate being a bother. With an older brother I can just say that it's just his job hahaha. I really want an older brother right now, I'd never want an older sister, but an older brother I'd wish for.
Hmmm so many other things I want to talk about at times but I just don't know anymore. Why do I feel like such a burden?