Change isn't always bad.

Change, I really don't like that word. To be completely honest, I don't think anyone should ever change. God us made us the way we are for a reason. We should learn form our mistakes and grow, but not change. Just be more mature but always hold on to every part of yourself, because it's what makes you who you are. All the good things and the bad ones as well.
Today, I brought in my Disney book to free period, I figured the four of us, Brian, Grace, Francis, and myself, could go sing Disney songs again and have so much funn. Turns out, Francis had to go to Physics Honors, Brian had to go home for a bit, and like 6 other people were there. It was still funn, I'm rather scared to watch our videos, but it was a good experience.
Some graduates came to visit today, actually, a LOT of them did. I got to meet someone new (He's kind oldddd though. LOL Class of '03 O.o) Turns out he's viet, which I did not know. Like I've seen him visit before but he looks nothing like a viet person. I told Thiha's love fortune and then we played 13. We tried to teach Katana, Francis, and Kenny. It was really funn, I'd like to do it again sometime.
Being the crazy, loving sister I am, I went to school with Martin and his friend, Sam, before 6 AM. The janitors were JUST opening up the bathrooms, I swear I wanted to die today. And I felt so sick again, after just barely recovering. 5 hours of sleep after a weekend of little sleep killed me. Luckily, I was able to function decently in my classes.
My math test is on Wednesday, I'm not really looking forward to that. My Chem grade dropped to an A-. A dissapointment. But whatever, I'll just do a really good job on my next write-up and raise it. Everything else isn't bad though, I'm still all As but math and chem are the most important to me because I'm not good at it.
Lately, I've stopped to really care how I look. I remember at one point I'd freak if my shirts didn't look good or if my hair was split wrong. Now, I can just push it all back and not care, I haven't been able to do that since 7th grade, not even, like 6th. It feels good to just be me again, you know? I don't need make-up or fancy clothes, I just need to be happy. Everytime I say something like, "Oh my God I look so washed out without eyeliner!" I see myself becoming the type of girls that I resented when I was younger. I always thought that those girls were brats who took everything for granted and were spoiled to death. I'm turning into one of them and I don't know what to do. I guess I can just stop wearing make-up all the time and just be me you know. I mean, I was called pretty before the make-up, surely I can still be so without it, right?
So lately I've been letting a lot of people into my life, I've let some people who mean so much to me read my blogs. I know that I've written some dark things in the past, but I figured, if I give my blog to a certain person, I can trust them. I can trust them to, not yell at me and call me stupid, if I cut, but to just look me in the eye and tell me to stop. I don't need to be called stupid when I cut because I felt like that in the first place.
You know, along with a big brother, I want a boyfriend as well. LOL. Typical huh? But I'm going to be picky this time, I'm going to find a boy who is good for me. I need a boy who can wait for me, because I will often fall behind in my own game. He also needs to deal with my often bad singing. Trust me, I know when I sound like crap and lately, I've been sounding like so. You don't know how bad I sound to myself when I'm singing the S2 part next who Grace who's amazing and singing S1. She can always hear me and I'll always hear her but I feel so laksdjakdja. Ew next to her 'cause she's so amazing. I kind of want a boyfriend who can sing and dance too. LOL well, singing more than dancing because I feel happy when someone I care for sings haha. But dancing, my gosh it just gives me the most amazing thrill in the world. There's nothing like it in the world. I just love it so much and like, Martin and I don't get along well enough for me to dance with him. My current goals are to learn how to Argentine Tango and how to Salsa. =]
I am so completely random, not easily amused, random. Hahaha. I'll just say the weirdest things at the strangest times but hey, it keeps me happy and not sad.
I guess, change isn't always bad, I mean, today our little routine of just the four of us changed drastically, but it was still funn. I'm glad that today changed, but I'd kind of like it if it was less crowded. I guess I'm becoming more anti-social. I'm starting to really fear people, because it hurts so much when someone you love isn't there anymore. And I'd give so much away just to have them back with me again. I hate that empty feeling I get, and nothing can fill it up, not even singing with my choir kiddo buddies. I don't know, maybe I'm just too clingy, but I can't help it. Haha. Ridiculous huh?