AUUUUUUUUUGH!!!!

I really have just HAD it. My sister is the brattiest, most selfish, most annoying person EVER.
Alright so my mom JUST went through surgery (Don't ask. Please.) And so she needs peace and quiet to recover and she needs space to heal. Anna can NOT keep her mouth shut for her LIFE. And I have been fucking taking care of my mom ALL fucking day. and so I was supposed to watch her at night as well, but noooooooo. Anna starts crying because she obviously doesn't care about our SICK, OLD grandma whom she was sleeping over with. And so my cousin takes her back AFTER I told her that she couldn't come home. AND THEN she's all running around slamming doors yelling. And my mom was like oh Anna sleep with your cousin so Tifany can take care of me ok? And she's like ok. And then like 10 minutes later she climbs onto my mom's bed, and elt me tell you, she KICKS at night. Which means my mom's probably going to get hurt tonight, but does Anna care? Noooooooooooo. AND I told her that too. And then I left my blanket that I've been using for the past WEEK in that room while I was on the computer and I'm like Anna fold up the blanket so I can take it to the other room tonight. And she's like ok, and she uses it. And like What the FUCK. And then I'm like WTF ANNA. And my mom starts yelling at ME. And I'm just like oook. I obviously see your gratitude for me coming to your every beck and call. I see your gratirude for walking up and down three fucking flights of stairs while carrying a heavy ass tray of food. I fucking see your gratitude for watching what I eat around you so you don't feel sorry for yourself whenever I eat something that you can't right now. I see your fucking gratitude for me helping you wah and tightening your bandages and turning on and off your T.V. and keeping you entertained.
I'm just really pissed off and hurt you know? It's like I put so much effort into this and like I get no real appreciation. Ok, so she called up one of her friends to take me shopping tomorrow. So what? I can do without shopping. I just want to be a little noticed you know? What if I wanted to sleep with my mom tonight? What if I wanted to be the only one who's able to help her? (Which I am.)
Ugh whatever.

Doodoodoo

Hahahaha so VN had been keeping me pretty busy lately, what with work and all. My God I need to stop working at the restaurant and start working out. But I'm only going to be working from maybe 8-11:30 starting Monday because Martin's going to take swimming lessons and I need to fix up my form. 5 hour swimming!!! =] I'm going to lose hella weight again and I'll be so happyyyy. Haha.
So lately I've been awfully tired....and wierdo Viet guys are always staring at me. AND THEN today there was this like, I think German, family, and there was SEVEN of them. And then I saw this mexican looking guy who knew how to speak viet with this other girl and I heard her speak viet but she wouldn't talk to me. And like they saw me speak in english to the big family and they were lie O.o. And then the guy starting to try talking english to me and I was like =.=; if you haven't been paying attention, I've been communicating in viet to my aunt and uncle... And then when I brought them their drinks, the dude was like, "where you from?" and I was like "California" and then he was like "She say you look like japanese." And I was like haha o.o
I'm missing out on so much at home, and I haven't even had the time to learn to drive a motercycle yet. *sigh* It's just been work work work and visit visit visit for me.
Every hour or so my uncle's like TIFFANY FOOD!!!! And I'm just like nty and he's like nooooo tryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. And then I'm like aksdhakjsdhasjkdhajs I'M FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT And then he was like you're goal is to gain 5 kg by the end of your trip and I was like FUCK NO IMA LOSE THAT MUCH WEIGHT.....somehow =.=;
Martin called me skinny!!!! Only, it was in a nice but kinda disturbing way. I was like I need plastic surgery to get rid of all this fat and then he was like but you're skinny and I was like aaskjdhajsdhaj LIAR and then he wa slike the only reason why you're like 10 pounds heavier than me is cuz of your boobs. O.o kinda weirddddd.
So a \t the airport in SF, I met a man who had a son who could bench like 250 as an eith grader O.o and like 360 by the end of Senior year and he could squat 400 with that weight. HELLA BEAST!!!! O:
Well, idk what else to write. I'm not going to be colorful this time, too lazy =]

Greetings from the land of Viet Nam!!!

Woooow. Deprivation of hot guys and friends has turned me into a martian O.O.
Alright so first things first. It is HOT in Viet Nam. Like like humid hot. Like sticky hot. Like ew gross wtf is wrong with my hair it looks like I haven't showered in days when I just showered like 5 hours ago hot. So fucking disgusting. And like all the tops that my mom bought for me from A&F are like kinda booby showing so it's like awkwarrrrrrrrrrd.
So yesterday I was fully covered right? Capris, tank that always covers my chest, hair down, flip flops. I thought I was decent. I'm on a motercycle and on my way to my Grandma's house and we're on a street and about to turn the corner into hers and we pass by this place that sells food on the sidewalk. The boys were like o.o. And I'm like CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPER!!!!!!! Hella freaked me out. And I was DECENT too!!!! And THEN my mom tells us to go out there to eat and there's this dude next to us and he's just staring at me and I was like "Mommy he hella disturbs me he's just staring!" And then my mom was like "Don't stare back." And I was like wow no really?
And THEN like omg whoever says that Cang looks Korean must be on drugs or something. I swear I have seen like 30 Cang look alikes!!!!! O: Everytime it's like Cang? Noooooooo. Cang? Noooooooooo way. Nope not Cang. It is just so scary. Aishhh.
And I'm lacking hot guys!!!! I mean ok I know I have a wide variety of Viet guys to pick from but uhm, excuse me for being shallow but they're all greasy and disgusting and ugly in the face. Not even hot bodies. Like there was one decent looking guy at the massage place I went to yesterday but like he was shirtless and he wasn't flab but no muscles. He just had like a lean body with no fat but no muscle.
AHHH!!! I went to a massage place and like I left with the same knots in my neck and back and shoulders and a few bruises to add onto to the mix. I also had the girls wanting my hair extensions and pictures of 30 year old men that I know. I'm like wtf. I'm 15 yes I'm friendly with old men in their 30s who are at least TWICE my age. But jsadjasdajsd. Like they hella focused on my legs and when it got to my back it was like painville. They were like running me over with a truck. >:[ So yeahh my back is still messed up.
I would say that I'm homesick but I'm not really because I'm really home wherever I go you know. I'm a little friendsick. Time passes by so slowly in Viet Nam. I'm not busy like I was in America and I can't make myself busy. I can't even make calls and I have a cell phone. '[Cause in Viet Nam if you make calls it's hella expensive but if you recieve calls it's free. Haha it's like America in the older days =].
Martin's getting hella disrespectful and it's bugging the shit out of me. My mom finally is getting enough of it as well and so she's like pulling him out into a corner and he's still being a bitch about it. Like I honestly know that I can be a bitch about things like that but like when my mom hit him he was like put it down mom. I was just like wow wtf Martin. I understand that you hate being hit and that we haven't been hit in like years but he was just like Mom put it down you're not allowed to hit me. And then he starts yelling at her and bitching out at her. Like in situations like these he's the wrong one. My mom even tore apart the situation and showed him what exactly went on and he was like no I'm right and you're wrong. and then on top of it all, he dragged me down with him. Everyone knows that when I'm focused on something I focus like hell so I can't hear what's going on around me unless someone says my fucking name. But noooo my mom bitches out at me later on as well because I'm also apparently at fault. And the before we left Martin was like oh I'm never going to use any of the two laptops so I was left in charge of 2 bags and Anna's backpack with the laptop inside. Now he's like hogging it 24/7. I love my brother but right now, even as he's crying, I can't pity him for being disrespectful like that. Especially when it's usually me getting the short end of the stick. I think that the best thing you get from being the one in the family that is usually the one to take all the blame is that you learn to just tolerate things and you learn to just adapt to stupid things like that.
Hopefully I'll have happier news next blog huh? That last chunk was just random and out of the blue.

I'm so dissapointed

I'm tired, I'm really tired of fighting. I'm tired of yelling. I'm tired of being mad. I'm tired of crying.
I've had it with all the bitching. I've had it with all the rumors. I've had it with the names.
I hate all the fakeness. I hate all the random messages. I hate saying bullshit.
I don't want to give up. I don't want to run away. I don't want to fall apart.
I'm scared of the future. I'm scared of being alone. I'm scared of losing everything.
I can't handle any more pressure. I can't handle retarded adults. I can't handle those expectations.

I wish I could have just one day without being sad. I wish I could just be the person everyone sees for just one day. Not even, from when I open my eyes till they close that day. Isn't that less than 24 hours? I just want to smile from my heart...

It's strange...or is it just me?

Alright so like today was really kinda of weird.
Like P.E. really pissed me off because instead of running for 20 minutes, I had to run like 35-40 because my Heart Rate Moniter wasn't working. Really pissed me off.
And then like I was told to look away but I thought the person meant look to him and look away from the other person so like I saw his fricken ass. NOT a very pretty sight at all. Scarred me for life.
And then Karen and I tried to look at each other without laughing but it didn't work out too well. It was REALLY funny though. I mean, she was laughing even when her eyes were closed.
And
THEN, on the way home, like while walking out of the school there's likea flattened bird heard on the ground that we always pass so Karen tried to look for it but it was GONE. O: And then we had to look for it and we just about gave up and she was walking aloong the edge of the grass and concrete when I saw it like two steps in front of her. She really freaked out at the thought of almost stepping on a squished bird head. and I'm pretty sure it's a bird head because a few months back there was a flattened talon and I was REALLY scared. Plus, there are feathers on the thing so like it kind of has to be a bird head. It's really nasty though.
My mom fed me like seaweed stuff, like Viet dessert and claims that it's good for your skin. Oh joy, she keeps making me intake stuff for my skin. Haha. Two months ago it was herbal drinks. LOL.
I'm almost done with 1 Litre of Tears. I STRONGLY reccomend watching it. It's really heartbreaking and it's so worth watching. Also, it's addicting. I also reccomend Hana Yori Dango. It's the original, japanese Boys Over Flowers. That's also very good. The school year's almost over!!!!!
I wanna go to Oak Grove's grad but I have no ride and at the same time I want to go to Tino's grad, which is the same day, but I have no one to go with me. (I don't wanna be all like loner status. >.<) So I don't know what I'm going to doooooo.

*Sigh*

So lately a lot of things have just been invading my mind. What with finals, Viet Nam, the possibility of going far, far away, and boys, I don't know where I'm going.
Finals are gayyyyyy. I hate them sooo much but if I do well on all my homework this week, then I should be in pretty good shape. I'm really sort of nervous to see freshmen year end, I mean, I really sort of liked it.
Viet Nam is coming way too soon, I am not ready at all to go to that hot, hot place. But heyy, I get monthly allowence which is given to me in portions weekly and so I think I'll be alright. I'm going to focus on tennis a lot, though, because I want to get better at it and play it as a sport at school. And I'm planning to shop around a lot, maybe an hour a day? Not long, just to explore. And I definately will spend my nights on a motercycle. Ooh baby. LOL. I'm really excited about learning to drive one. Haha. Maybe going isn't so bad after all.
So yeahh, my parents have talked a lot about moving. Either to Peidmont High, or Boston. Can you believe that? Fricken BOSTON. That's HELLA far away, I have so much here. I mean, at first I was like whatever mom, what you tihnk is best if probably so. But now, my future at Cupertino is so bright. I want to join CAT at Tino. I want to get into Capella at Tino. Our performing arts program is so amazing, I don't think Boston can even compare to this. But you know, whatever it comes down to, I can't do a single thing about it, can I?
Boys, boys, boys. They should all go die in a hole, I swear. So, I got to know someone not too long ago and I figured I could like him, I mean, I wouldn't really mind, but I used to like someone VERY close to him and I am so scared of repeating the same situation. And, I feel a little used around him and I should never have to feel that way, right? And another boy that would be good for me, I just can't seem to get myself to like him in that way. I mean, I consider us very good friends and I think he's very sweet, but I can't date him. And another boy I recently got to know is very nice and all and some of my very close friends think I like him but I really don't. I just like making new friends, and even if it looks like I'm flirting, I'm really trying hard not to. I just want another friend you know? Sometimes, it seems like everyone is leaving me so I am constantly looking for someone to stay.
And Karen Luo is an amazing girl. Even though she's horribly retarded, she really cares about me. I mean, we've been best friends for about a year and a half now right? What can go wrong? And even though we rarely talk about personal things anymore, I know that our chances will come up and we can just pour our hearts out to each other. Only thing is, if she's lying down, I have to as well because she claims it's awkward looking up at me because all she sees are my boobies. Hahaha. Awkward child much? But yeahh, I'm not going to give her up. She's part of my future, but what's going to happen if I leave? =/