It's really starting to hit me

So up until now, Tino High has been a breeze for me. And then it happened. I auditioned into the musical and am now in it. My legs can barely support me, my throat is raw, my head is splitting in half and my ear-drums feel like they're going to burst. Plus, all my homework is piling up on me. But I can't drop out of the musical, I just can't, I mean, I'm one of the only 4 female freshmen. 5 Including a boy I think. But anyways. I love it, but I'm feeling the aftershocks, and this is just my first day of dance and Wednsday would be my second day of vocals. I'm exhausted and I can't balance my work.
So I admit, I've been really slacking off during tutorial. I mean, what other school gives their students 40 minutes of homework time IN SCHOOL twice a week? And what have I been doing? Talking to my friends and telling fortunes. What a big whoop. And so, as a New Years Resolution for the Lunar New Year, I've decided to plan out to my day and try and stick to it accordingly. Or, in my case, use tutorial wisely. Whish means if I have to go off and be a loner then so be it.
But first things first, my leg is killing me so I need to get Character Shoes and I've got absolutely no idea what the hell they are or where to get them. But I am never again dancing in socks. If I do, I am going to pad them heavily with tissues. LMFAOO
=]
But yeahh. So rant of the New Years Complete. Teehee
<3

Depression

Ok so uhmm lately, I've been really depressed and so I've used big words and sentences to try and express how I feel and like yeah... I guess I haven't been me lately. I mean sure, it's ok for me to have ups a downs, but for me to consistently complain as the people I care about read and worry over me is just wrong. It's not fair to them and, after watching the Princess Diaries not too long ago, I realized that Mia and I have a lot in common. One thing, is that we were both incredibly selfish, only saying I instead of we or them. I watch to change. I want to be able to break away from this side of me. The side that I absolutely despise. I'm taking this one step at a time, I'm getting better, I know I am. And the people who have stood by me for this long are the people to whom I literally owe my life to. If it wasn't for them, I probably wouldn't even be alive to write this. Haha. But enough of this cheesiness.
I wish to be happy and carefree. I want to be able to write joyful poems that I am proud of, rather than deep, dark ones that I adored. I want to be able to look at my Best Friends and honestly tell them that everything is ok. I want to be able to worry without thinking of myself. Something's going to happen, something very soon, and I don't know what, but it scares me. I want to be able to make everything ok before it happens though. I want to live life fully, without regrets, because despite what I believe in, I do have a few regrets. I feel like I really don't have much time here for some reason. I don't want to leave seeing everything so torn apart. I don't want to go while it seems like my Best Friends are upset over something. But like I said, no regrets, right?
And just in case my feelings are correct, then I really do love everyone. Haha. So now I'm just an overreacting cheese ball in the school library, but just in case I don't get the chance to tell anyone this, all my love goes only to you. Everyone I care for owns a piece of my heart. And Michelle Ng and Jake Lee, who are next to me, are weird <3