Headaches, Heartaches

I wake up from my dreams each morning and smile as I think of you. Joy fills my soul as I think, "I wonder what he's doing right now." I giggle as I say to myself, "Probably still sleeping." Everyone can tell whenever you cross my mind. My eyes light up and a grin is suddenly painted onto my face. Anytime my friends tease me, I blush darkly as I wave them off. I think this time it's real. I think this time I'm really in love. You make me so happy. I don't need what the others have given me. I just need to know that I can turn to you at any time. I just need you and you alone. Not an hour can pass without your image flashing across my thoughts. Not a moment will go by without me thinking of you. Every time I look at my phone I see us. Each time my friends talk, they mention you. "Your man", they say, and I laugh and shake my head, "No, but I do wish." My friends roll their eyes and say, "Girl, with me, there is no wishing. I will make him love you." I throw my head back and crack up as they smile and hug me. But then, when I finally lay my head on my pillow, I look up to the ceiling and think, "This is stupid. I have no chance, why am I still clinging to this?" Under my pillow is a blade, taken from my kitchen. I hold it to my arm, I make sure that I am not near my wrist, and forcefully press down and cut. I frown in anger and frustration as no blood is shed, but merely a simple indent in my skin and I try it again. After a few more attempts, I finally see an angry welt form and I smile in content, my breath being held to numb out the pain. There is no blood, but I know that a small scab will form the next day, so there is nothing to worry about. I allow a tear to fall from the corner of my eye as I let out a shaky sob. If I hadn't let myself fall so hard, maybe I could have saved my self from all these headaches and heartaches...

This isn't fair

How fair is it for us to have great lives, even if we do have bumps, to keep complaining? Especially when a girl, a freshmen girl, is currently so broken up. She depends on cutting to keep herself sane. she hates herself right now, but you know what she gets in return? She gets shit from people, saying oh, stop drawing attention to yourself. She's fucking hurt. Why can't anyone see that? Honestly, I don't know her that well, I met her over the summer and she was really cool. I mean yeah, she does get bossy and bitchy at times but my god does it really matter? Everyone gets like that. And honestly, if you see her arm and you STILL say that she's trying to get attention, then you're hella fucking screwed. Because if you've seen it, she's fucking carved letters and WORDS onto her arms. Why the hell would she do that for attention?! There are a LOT more ways to draw attention to herself. But no, she cuts because she's crushed. She cuts because it brings her pleasure. She cuts because she's addicted to it, a man is to his drugs. It calms her like nothing else, but it scares us like nothing has before. Because we've all heard stories of suicidal attempts, but have we really met someone, someone close to us, who's going through that stage? Most likely not, so please, if you see her, don't think that this is just a way to get attention, please love her and cherish her. Because you might be the one to save this soul in the end <3

Sorrow

It's funny how you can be so in love at one point, and then suddenly stop. Or you can be right next to a person for so long, and then suddenly feel a burst of passion. Amazingly, we never think twice when this sudden change happens, rather, we go, what the hell was I thinking when it all blows over. If we think things through first, then we'd save ourselves the pain and hurt we feel each time something goes wrong.
Honestly girls? Boys aren't worth our tears. And guys? The slut that just called herself your girlfriend should be jumped by us. We really can't just hold on to that lingering past, I mean, it's true that we need to learn from our mistakes, but wallowing in self pity is just pathetic. Man up and take it. Don't let anyone else rule you for too long. Because if you can stay strong like you know you can be, then it'll save you a world of sorrow