Well then,

I have decided that a happy blog was long over due. I've been just so super depressed lately and everyone who reads this HAS to think that I've got the worst life in the world but that's not true.
I've made some wonderful memories these past few weeks. I've made new friends, had good laughs, just had all out funn.
School's been getting harder to deal with every day, but 7th period I look forward to all the time. It's what just makes my day. I absolutely love singing but when I'm down, it's the last thing I want to do. God knows there have been times where I just want to go mute and never say another word again, much less sing. During that free period, I feel like I belong somewhere and I feel so happy. Right now, just knowing that I can walk into that room after math every day, even Wednesdays, and seeing all those familiar faces is the only thing keeping me going to be completely honest.
Also, I've been expecting to see Sam over every day now and we'll just sing. Me, Martin, and Sam and it's so much fun. With them, I don't just like go in and sing, I'll be doing my own stuff and Sam will just be like, "Where's our girl voice?!" And I'd be like O.o hahaha. It's times like these when I feel like Martin and I can really get along without hurting each other.
Life really doesn't hate me. I've been blessed in so many different ways. I've met the best people in the world. My family may not be perfect but right now, at least I have one. We're not super rich but we're not poor. We're really well off. Like despite what I say, I know I'm not fat. I may not be super skinny, which is bad, I like having meat on me, but like I'm not fat. And I know that I'm not the best singer on Earth. I'm not amazing like Meg or Grace or Cheese, but I'm good in my own way. And like I may not be as good at dancing as Lauren or like Dionna but I'm good in my own way. I'm a really lucky girl. I mean, I may not have an amazing boyfriend and my relationships DO kind of suck, but I'm well off in other areas and I'm really grateful. I know that I take things for granted like everyone else. I know that I give attitude and that I get moody. I'm really trying to not be mad anymore, I just don't want to be. I think that if I can find a way to just be happy, to be optimistic, everything will be okay in the end, right?
I just don't want to be depressed and mad and I don't want to cut anymore. I know I've said that I'd stop and I do. It's just, when my family, and it's only my family, gets me so down, I don't know what else to do. It used to help so much. I used to feel like the world was lifted off my shoulders, but now, I just feel even more pain. Nothing seems to help anymore and I'm not sure what to do, so I just read. Haha I'm such a nerd but it helps and it makes me happy.
Blogging is one way of venting, but I feel bad 'cause people, like Alex who read EVERY BLOG, have to read through all my troubles. So, it's happy blogs like this, or the random ones like the sexphobia one, that make me feel less guilty. Haha.