Creepers and Adventures and Wierd Friends, Oh My

Sooo, last Thursday Lily and I went to Verde. We have decided that Verde workers are complete creepers. So like I got my Lychee Milk Tea with little pearls and then we went to Daiso and then back to Verde. At Verde, we decided to get Salty Fried Chicken. While ordering, the guy goes, "With or without pearls? *Laughs*" Lily and I are just like," Uhmmm excuse me?" Once I GET my chicken, another guy hands it to me and says, "Here you go, Salty Fried Chicken without pearls." It was horribly creepy. She also went to the bathroom and the first guy just stood there near me it was awkwardddddd. Also, some guys just don't know when to quit it. Now, not me, but a dear friend of mine is in a dilemma. And the boy she DOES NOT LIKE does not understand that and she is feeling violated. Ridiculous, right? Creeeeeeepers. They don't even talk and he likes her a lot. AND THEN I met the older brother of one of Martin's old friends today. And so we were just talking and then I had to go and he like grabs my arm and is like, "Wait and then in MY Chem class when I was a Sophomore....". Yeah, kinda not normal for a first time meeting circumstance.
And then on the same Verde day (HAHAHA THAT RHYMES), Lily goes to the bathroom. And it smells, a lot, so she takes my spray in with her. And while spraying the room, somehow accidentally sprays herself. Good Job huh? LMFAO. And then TODAY Brian somehow came up with this ridiculous idea that he was able to just walk right over me. NO. I am NOT that small. And then Kenny did the wierdest thing in the world the other day. I called him cool and he goes, "HEHE. SHE CALLED ME COOL. HEHE." Haha, only he's family so I guess he can't count as friends. But still, pretty weird...And then Michelle spazzes to Tony and manages to get him to call himself gay.
I FINISHED MY SHOWER IN UNDER 20 MINUTES TODAY! =] So happy. Hahahaha. And then for Black Friday Shopping, the Disney store <333333.>
Finals are in two weeks....Formal is 17 days away....I turn 16 in 37 days. Oh my God. I'm nervous for everything. Finals because, well duh. They're finals. Formal because I'm worried about my dress and my hair. My birthday because, well, being 16 means I need to grow up even more now. I can't be a kid anymore and all. Also, I'm worried for my formal dinner that weekend as well. Haha, some of the people I want to invite won't be there because of other complications, which makes me a little sad, but it's alright. And then some people that I feel like I need to invite don't get along with my parents, but they were there for my childhood, so they deserve to be there. I hope my dad will be okay with it and won't be all moody and all. My theme is going to be Blue and Silver, but I want a Red dress. Is that overly weird? I don't even know if I want to go buy a dress, or I can always wear my mom's reception dress from her wedding =] We'll see hahaha.
I'm so tired all of the time. I sleep early, but I don't understand why I'm so tired all of the time.Hopefully I'll be okay =]

I feel so lost...

My world seems to have stopped suddenly, while other people are still moving forward. I feel left behind, yet at the same time, I feel like I'm caught up; I'm just detached.
So many people piss me off right now: My family, some friends, my classmates, myself. I feel like crying and getting a good break down, just to let go of all this. No reason to cry, nothing upsetting me, just a good cry. It's the only way I can relieve myself of this pain, even temporarily. My family is extremely rude, and they don't seem to notice that, but I find it horribly offensive. My friends sometimes just tick me off, I mean, stop fricking whining. Those who come to me with genuine problems I am okay with, but I mean, I'm next to someone and they whine about something as simple as food and what they don't like and it's just like, "SHUT THE FUCK UP. NO ONE GIVES A SHIT." Especially when the food isn't even for them and they just want to mooch. My classmates need to shut up. I, for one, do not need anymore homework than I already have. My grades are dropping again and I have just had it. And I'm so upset with myself. I hate myself for not being strong enough to deal with this. I understand that some people have problems or dislikes and I can't get over the fact that the way they express themselves is annoying.
Yeah, so I don't know how to make CDs. Like you know, with a mix of songs, or pictures, or movies. So my mom goes and complains and bitches at me and then calls me stupid. Okay I am so sorry that I use USBs and phones and iPods. I am so sorry that you never bothered to have me learn all this because Dad always did it for me. I am so sorry that you havne't learned to do it yourself. I am so fucking sorry that I am the one born stupid and in this fucking era of technological revolution.
I want out. I need out of this hellhole, sometimes, I feel like I'm willing to do anything just to be free for one day. That's all I ask, 24 hours for myself. But I never get that. No, my hours at home should be devoted to the family completely. Never to myself. If it is, I'm selfish. If I drop everything, I fail and I lose my friends because I can't be there for them. During the weekend, I'm supposed to screw homework and wash the dishes when I hardly even eat at home anymore. And when I do, I usually clean my dishes on the spot. I'm supposed to keep my room clean to her liking. No, it doesn't matter that I like my room messy the way I like it. It doesn't matter that I'm comfortable with things on my bed. It doesn't matter that the things I throw on my desk actually mean something to me. Because my room is out of sync with her fucking "Model-home" I'm the lazy girl who doesn't even think of herself.
I wonder if she even knows that I have a sleeping disorder? I wonder if she knows the reason why I sleep with my lights on, or why I go into her room at night once my lights are out. No, of course not. Because the one time I was able to tell her how I felt, I was shot down and called selfish.
I really hate that word. I get that I'm selfish, alright? I don't need to keep being told that. I just want to go away.

Hahaha

Idk, I've felt super rushed lately, but when I sit down, I'm overwhelmed by this feeling of sleepiness. For some reason, my body feels like it's shutting down on me. When I'm standing up and I'm in a group, I seem even more energetic than usual though.
Lately my life has been a jumble. I'm awfully confused; I blame it on lack of sleep though. Lol I shouldn't be blogging this late if I'm going to be up at 5:45 tomorrow but whatever. I just finished typing up the VSA roster for the year. I can now say that I understand all you teachers' pain. Trying to read all those handwritings was awful. Luckily, a lot of boys have super girlie handwriting now. The thing that annoyed me the most, though, was all of the applications that were filled out in Sharpie. It was HORRIBLE. I swear, I need to put a note at the bottom saying that I will make them redo it if it is ineligable or done in Sharpie.
I made NHS! =] Lately, my grades have been improving a lot though, so I'm very happy. I think that the end of Homecoming and pausing Van Nghe for awhile really helped. I want to say that I'm considering coming back like next year, but I said I'd be back at the end of the month and I refuse to go back on my word. I'll just manage; I know I can do it. Somehow, I always manage to pull myself together, right?
Today, I saw someone that I had planned on avoiding. I was told that the person was going to come visit, so I left early to go get food. Who would have thought that I'd run into that person at the bus stop. Now I'm so confused; I'm proud of the way I acted around them though. I felt like I stood up for myself and refused to do whatever they wanted to. I haven't felt that much control over myself in awhile, it felt pretty good.
VSA is pretty time consuming, but I really love it. It's like SPCL, but at school. Haha, we have good and bad moments, but in the end we are the masters of procrastination. Like how we're making Pho tonight to sell tomorrow. LMFAO. ^.^; I'm really glad that I'm an officer. Plus, it's pretty cool being the only Sophomore officer right now. Hahaha. I can't wait for you Class Reps, though. Even though they won't be official officers, I'm going to make sure that the members sure as hell treat them like how we are.
I've been really ticked off at rude people lately. Any kind of rudeness, at all, just annoys me so much. Like in choir, we have a show on Monday, in front of 7 other choirs, one of which who are proffesional. This girl suddenly walks across the room, talks to the teacher, and then starts to write on the white board. She never stands up during class, and she sleeps. She blames in on her medical condition and her medicine, but she fricken uses the same thing as last year, and last year, she aided for me choir class, which is the same period as this year's Advanced choir, and she was yapping away all the time. Ugh, I can't believe that she just thinks that she can get away with all this.
Also, I despise it when people say things like, "No one cares as much as you." or, "I don't have any friends." It's like a slap in the face to those who do care, or who are your friends. Lke honestly, especially when you tell someone you like them, you don't say that no one cares like they do. What if your best friend found out? Don't they care for you more than anyone else? They're the ones sticking their necks out for you. I'm like a fricken mom. I care for everyone, everyone gets my attention. I want everyone to be happy. If you can't do something you love, of course I'm going to try and help, but it doesn't mean that you're getting any special attention. Haha, I guess this is just one of my stressy moments.
By the way, I hate those with XY Chromosomes. I think that woman would be fine without them. We'll be fricken Amazons, Warrior Women. Hahahaha. I just think that boys tend to act all macho, and so they end up hurting themselves and the people they care for. Like sure, us girls we backstab and spread rumors and do all sorts of crazy stuff, but boys are no better. Where is support when you need it nowadays?
And you know, I've been wondering, is it bad to want someone who can make you cry? I'm not sure anymore. I mean, happy relationships are amazing and all, but I think that for a relationship to be healthy, tears and pain are sort of requirments. Does that make me liek a sadist or something to think like that? Haha, I just don't know.