Well I guess it's over now

Well, I've been putting off posting any blogs till the end of homecoming. I guess that was wrong of me because all I can think about are the results. The results? Let's just say I cried and they weren't happy tears.
We were SECOND up until the football game. To be honest, if it was just the fact that people didn't come, I wouldn't have felt so bad. What got me as the fact that most of the Sophomores who came did NOT get the tickets that proved we were there so we did not get accounted for. I didn't want to cry so much. Really I didn't. But every time I calmed down and someone saw me, they'd walk up to me and be like, "Oh Tiffany don't cry. You were amazing it's not your fault." And I'd cry all over again because I knew how good we were and we still got last place. I don't know, homecoming got to be so stressful for me. And the day of the performance was just horrid.
We performed on Tuesday. Tuesday was the biggest Autumn storm in like 60 years. Tuesday our sound system was retarded and the music kept stopping. Tuesday, for the superstitious people, was an unlucky day, October 13. It was just a stroke of bad luck. We did well, everyone knows that. Everyone knows we stepped up. All the Juniors are scared for themselves.
Now, that first day I got so many compliments. Some constructive criticism which I appreciated too. The next day, one of the Biology teachers called my dance a porno. That was completely rude and uncalled for and inappropriate. She was a TEACHER in a SCHOOL environment talking to a STUDENT. To say I was pissed is an understatement. I was furious. She had no right to say that. Provocative I can deal with, but a porno? No way, and she got away with it too.
The night before, during prep, I was told that the gap in my dance which used to be required was being taken out. I was horrified and stressed and just so frustrated. That ruined my formation and everything! I cried while walking to my locker. I'm glad no one saw me, I punched my lockers, not enough to hurt anything, me or the locker, but enough to slightly feel better. I curled up on the ground and was a mess.
Last night I was a mess over homecoming. I was just horrible during that time period. I was a bitch and I was just downright awful. I went out of line sometimes and I just wants everything to be okay.
Because I know that it's over and I am okay.

A Step in the Right Direction

So like lately I've been kind of stressed out, depressed, whatever you want to call it. It doesn't help that my dad never seems to understand me, now Martin's all acting like he's the shit. I can tell that a lot of people are getting annoyed by him. He's my brother and I love him, yes, but I wonder if he knows that he hurts me so often. Like I taught him how to Waltz, I took my own time to teach the Freshmen how to Waltz, I took my time to help Martin demonstrate what he wanted to teach them. When I tell him to practice the Waltz because it's one of his weaker points, he goes, "Well I'm a lot closer to it than you are." I'm just like...really Martin? And then we've been practicing by the math wing every Wednesday after school for a month now, and Martin knows that. I've told him so many times. Yesterday, I see one of his class council officers there and he goes, "Oh wait are the Sophomores using this area?" And I'm like, "Yeah Sam, we've been here for about a month now." And he's just like, "Oh I'm sorry, can we use it as well please?" And I'm like, "Sure, but just use the far side alright?" He agrees. Martin comes and he's like, "Wtf are you doing here? The Freshmen use this area." I'm just like, "Do you really want to play this game? We're Sophomores, we have Seniority." And Sam just backs me up and he's like, "Martin don't bitch. You should be grateful that she's sharing at all." Martin fights back and he's like, "I'm not bitching, I'm just stating the facts." Doesn't he know that hurts me to know that I'm being ignored? In the end, MY dancers moved to the far end. WE gave up OUR practice area for a boy who doesn't show respect for anyone.
On the brighter side, we finally came up with more choreography. I need it done THIS week though so I don't know what I'm going to do yet. *Sigh* Next year, I'm gonna volunteer to do choreo as soon as they give out our theme. One month just is not enough for one person to do choreography for two. My dancers are telling me how cool and good the dance is and it just makes me so happy to know that they like it. I'm so afraid of letting them down, I'm on a choreographer's block. I just want them to do the dance and like it because then it'll look good. Unike other choreographers, I don't single those who can't do it out, I ask who needs help and I will help them. Like I just recently learned a part of a routine for girl's dance today and I couldn't get it my like third try, and so I was singled out along with some other girls as, "The ones who had a few mistakes." And she didn't even tell us where we went wrong or how to do it correctly. I don't know, I wasn't really upset about that though, it just made me realize how different my way of leading was. I know that I yell a lot and I tend to make lots of faces, but I mean, I try my best. I'm not perfect, I know that, everything about me screams that. I mean, Homecoming is in a week and a half and I'm not even done with choreography yet. Lovely, huh? I know that everything's going to be okay, I just wish that everything will be okay sooner, rather than later, you know?I think I just really need to take that step in the right direction right now.