I'm Broken

So after a long, long day of leadership, I went to church, and nearly fell asleep. Of course, I felt absolutely awful but I seriously could barely keep my eyes open. And so I decided to think. And I thought about everything really, and I finally realized, I'm broken, or I was at the time. I started this blog about half a month ago and I'm finishing it now. But anyways. During that time, I couldn't even think straight. Well, more of like nothing ran across my mind. My head was completely blank. It horrified me. Nothing I did could make me focus on anything. I thought that something was wrong with me. I felt so empty, crushed, confused. I was a mess. But then suddenly, one of my friends kept telling me not to lose hope. And I believed him, for once. I started to listen to him, so I tried to think optimisticly, and my mind started to work again, and I felt so good. But when I think about the good things, I also think about the bad things. So I started jumbling up again, only this time, I wasn't all numbed out. This time, I know what's going on, and I feel so much pain and fear. All the what ifs shot through me, they penetrated my soul like bullets, and I fell. I've sunken so low, I'm doing things I never should even think of doing, but they make me feel so good, like the world is lifted off my shoulders for that lapse in time. And so I limit myself, I know my strengths, despite what everyone thinks. I can stop anytime I want, but for right now, I just want to continue, just for a little bit. And when it all blows over, watch me prove you wrong, watch me stop it all within the blink of an eye. Because right now, I'm broken.