I thought I was done with tears...

So uhm lately, I haven't been feeling all that hot and like, I find it really ironic about how I say something and it like happens almost like right away. Like Karen and I were so happy that I finally got myself out of drama and like that night, some crap happens. And other stuff too. My parents and I are off again and I don't know. I'm just really, really sick of it all. Someone once told me that to be mature was to be able to differentiate important things from things that are just a waste of time. I told that person that I had that ability and they told me no, I did not, because I let it get to me. Because I allowed for myself to cry and to be affected by insignificant things like that.
Life is too short to hold on to things or people who just don't belong anymore. I'm done with those who turned on me, I'm just going to move forward. I know that it will hurt, and I know that countless more tears will fall from my eyes, but I need to try.
Lately, I've been trying so hard to be happy. I know that being down and gloomy just hurts my, not just mentally, but physically it weakens me as well, and so I tried my best to smile, but when the world fell on me, I collapsed. I couldn't fake anymore smiles.
Before, it was just enough to smile in the mirror each morning and each night, so I could picture my happy face and lighten my heart myself. But I've come to realize that I am one of those people who simply cannot go through life by themselves at all. And I give myself out so freely. I trust too easily and I love too quickly.
Each time I get hurt. Each time I cry. Each time something goes wrong I lose another piece of me. But still I try to hold onto hope. Still, I want to love and trust innocently. I don't want to have to change so extremely.
I'm really being torn apart right now. It's not because I have many obligations, it's because my only mode of transportation encourages me to be involved, then blocks me by not taking me anywhere and not allowing for me to get rides from anyone.
Leadership I love to no end, but there are times where I am forced to choose between Leadership and another obligation, and everytime I pick Leadership.
Leaderhsip nearly costed me my bes friend and I was so scared to lose either so I clug to both with everything I had. Leadership nearly costed me my grade, but I didn't care. I love Leadership so much. Leadership is costing me my relationship with my mom, but I need Leadership. Despite all the tears and the pain that I feel nowadays, Leadership is my everything. Flaws and all. Leadership is costing me a shot at a relationship, and I am now needing to decide, but something tells me that I am going to pick Leadership again and lose that chance.
I need Leadership, yes that is true, but my best friend and I talked, and no matter how much Leadership means to me, it is because everyone holds a piece of my heart. Add them up and they're slightly short of the piece that Karen holds, so I still need her much more, but the fact that I need to many people is different, and I love originality. Haha.
I don't know what I'm saying anymore, I guess my brain just doesn't want to work under all this pain. In the end though, I guess I really thought I was done with tears...