Alan Ho

So this is for Alan Ho, a friend of mine who is like...faaaaaaaaaaaaaar away.
Sooooo, when I first joined SPCL, (Yes this relates to them again) Alan did not remember me. Haha, and it was then that I realized just how good my memory had gotten. I had gone from a girl who was like Dory from Finding Nemo, to someone who remembers things pretty damn well if you ask me. Or maybe I just have too much time to reflect upon things, I don't know. But anywho, so Alan one day IMed me a few months back because I was not a very happy girl, although now I cannot remember for my life why I was unhappy. Kind of controversial to what I just said huh? LOL. I lied, I remember, I just choose to try and forget. Anyways, OFF TOPIC. So since then, Alan has become one of my pretty good friends. To be completely blunt and honest, he's the person I can relate the most to in Leadership. And he's one of the people I trust the most. Not because he's like forever away, not because no one really sees him, not because he doesn't open himself enough for people to talk to him, it's because in him, I see myself. And apparently, in me, he sees himself.
I can joke around and say we're Leadership loners, but that's not true. We have people who love us, we have people who care and worry for us, but we're similar because sometihng holds us back. Because sometihng just keeps getting in the way of us trying to shine along with everyone else. I do not take pride in pretending to be better than anyone else. I do not take pride in comparing SPCL to SPSL so damn much, but it's human. It's instinctual to do so. Alan is able to take in what I'm saying, and he can understand, even if I'm talking in jumbles. Not many people can do that, especially if they only know one half of my life, and yet he, who barely knew me, seemed to see right through the girl that everybody sees on a daily basis. To be honest, I could easily lie to him, but I have a feeling that he'd be able to see right through it.
When it comes to Leadership, he's the person I feel most comfortable talking to about it in general. My best friend may be in Leadership, but even he has not been able to break through my barrier when it comes to talking about Leadership. For some reason, I feel like people would judge me if I told them how I really felt. Alan, I think, is able to simply listen and remember. Sure, he might judge me, but not in the way that I'm scared of. I judge people, I try not to, I try not to be biased, but it happens. It's a part of human life.
Ok so now it sounds like Alan is some amazing Godlike person who no one ever sees anymore. In reality, he's just as human as you and me. He makes his own mistakes. He gets mad at certain things. He has his own obsessions xD. He judges and compares. He has barriers and he trusts. He loves and hates. He's just an average University Student. (Not really he's a super asian freak who upholds our stereotype. =])
But I love that kiddo. Haha. I'm really honestly grateful I met him at that retreat three years ago. He might not remember me, but my memory is too damn good for him, so I'll remember fr the both of us. I'll remember us sitting on the patio talking early in the morning while everyone else is asleep. I'll remember seeing him act as Jesus during the Confirmation Rally. I'll remember him at the car wash...no I really don't but I might. I'll remember him at the Camping Trip. I'll remember rushing with everyone else to the MLK Library just to see him, only to find out he was still in Massachusetts and we were merely webcaming. And most of all, I'll remember him as the person I bared my heart to over AIM. Because I never got the chance to really talk to him in person.
So even tohugh you might have doubts for the future, and even though you might say that you've never opened up to anyone, I just want you to know that I appreciate the fact that you're here. We have so much in common, and our similar traits might not be the best ones, but hey, it's what makes us different. Don't worry, we will all just take one step at a time and we will succeed. Just you watch, we'll make you proud of us.
Much love <3