Depression

Ok so uhmm lately, I've been really depressed and so I've used big words and sentences to try and express how I feel and like yeah... I guess I haven't been me lately. I mean sure, it's ok for me to have ups a downs, but for me to consistently complain as the people I care about read and worry over me is just wrong. It's not fair to them and, after watching the Princess Diaries not too long ago, I realized that Mia and I have a lot in common. One thing, is that we were both incredibly selfish, only saying I instead of we or them. I watch to change. I want to be able to break away from this side of me. The side that I absolutely despise. I'm taking this one step at a time, I'm getting better, I know I am. And the people who have stood by me for this long are the people to whom I literally owe my life to. If it wasn't for them, I probably wouldn't even be alive to write this. Haha. But enough of this cheesiness.
I wish to be happy and carefree. I want to be able to write joyful poems that I am proud of, rather than deep, dark ones that I adored. I want to be able to look at my Best Friends and honestly tell them that everything is ok. I want to be able to worry without thinking of myself. Something's going to happen, something very soon, and I don't know what, but it scares me. I want to be able to make everything ok before it happens though. I want to live life fully, without regrets, because despite what I believe in, I do have a few regrets. I feel like I really don't have much time here for some reason. I don't want to leave seeing everything so torn apart. I don't want to go while it seems like my Best Friends are upset over something. But like I said, no regrets, right?
And just in case my feelings are correct, then I really do love everyone. Haha. So now I'm just an overreacting cheese ball in the school library, but just in case I don't get the chance to tell anyone this, all my love goes only to you. Everyone I care for owns a piece of my heart. And Michelle Ng and Jake Lee, who are next to me, are weird <3