Headaches, Heartaches

I wake up from my dreams each morning and smile as I think of you. Joy fills my soul as I think, "I wonder what he's doing right now." I giggle as I say to myself, "Probably still sleeping." Everyone can tell whenever you cross my mind. My eyes light up and a grin is suddenly painted onto my face. Anytime my friends tease me, I blush darkly as I wave them off. I think this time it's real. I think this time I'm really in love. You make me so happy. I don't need what the others have given me. I just need to know that I can turn to you at any time. I just need you and you alone. Not an hour can pass without your image flashing across my thoughts. Not a moment will go by without me thinking of you. Every time I look at my phone I see us. Each time my friends talk, they mention you. "Your man", they say, and I laugh and shake my head, "No, but I do wish." My friends roll their eyes and say, "Girl, with me, there is no wishing. I will make him love you." I throw my head back and crack up as they smile and hug me. But then, when I finally lay my head on my pillow, I look up to the ceiling and think, "This is stupid. I have no chance, why am I still clinging to this?" Under my pillow is a blade, taken from my kitchen. I hold it to my arm, I make sure that I am not near my wrist, and forcefully press down and cut. I frown in anger and frustration as no blood is shed, but merely a simple indent in my skin and I try it again. After a few more attempts, I finally see an angry welt form and I smile in content, my breath being held to numb out the pain. There is no blood, but I know that a small scab will form the next day, so there is nothing to worry about. I allow a tear to fall from the corner of my eye as I let out a shaky sob. If I hadn't let myself fall so hard, maybe I could have saved my self from all these headaches and heartaches...